One Way To Put It - KonaPein

"AM I THE ONLY HETEROSEXUAL PERSON LEFT IN THIS GODFORSAKEN PLACE?!"

The flame-haired man groaned in desperation, leaning against his wall and pressing his palms over his eyes. "AM I, KONAN?"

I glanced up from my origami, a tiny white fox. "No," I said quietly, "You're not." Pein glared at me with a sigh.

"Let me rephrase that... AM I THE ONLY HETEROSEXUAL MAN LEFT IN THIS PLACE?" He yelled, arms raised in defeat. "I've GOT to be. I mean it."

I smirked, and set down the completed fox on the table beside me. "Aw. Pein feels left out." My grin grew wider as Pein's eyes widened in horror.

"No, no thank you Konan-chan, I don't like penis and I probably never will, so quit making accusations."

"I like how you said 'probably'..." I added, to a groan from Pein. "I'm sorry," I chuckled, watching the fox scamper across the table, nearly tripping over a pencil laid forgotton. "I really am, Pein-sama."

"Konan... why do I have to be the only, AND I MEAN THE ONLY," Pein ranted, pacing back and forth again, "LEADER OF A CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION FULL OF GUYS WHO ARE /SCREWING/ EACH OTHER?!"

"Calm down," I sighed, folding my arms. "You're overreacting. They fight, they do what you say... it's not like it's hindering them..."

"Oh, OH, IT'S HINDERING THEM-" Pein whirled around to face me, "Remember the last mission we sent Kakuzu and Hidan on? Remember when they came back late and BOTH of them had scars on their knees and hands and Hidan was bitching about a sore back?!"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, come on, Pein," The fox rolled over, full of the energy of chakra. "That could have been for a number of reasons. The mission was /hard/ after all."

"And, and, and-" Pein went on, "Have you seen that mark on Deidara's neck?! No way a kunai could do that!"

"He said he burned himself." I said with a shrug, trying to evade the blatant obvious evidence that the mark was probably left by a certain redheaded puppeteer. "He's a bomber, of /course/ he's going to be working with things that require heat-"

"YEA BUT WHY WOULD IT ONLY BURN HIM IN THAT ONE PLACE?!" Pein was frantic now, arms in the air again. "I DON'T GET IT! AND THE SCRATCHES ON SASORI'S SHOULDERS, ITACHI'S BITE MARKS, THE NOISES I HEARD, THE DAMN LAUNDRY EVIDENCE, AND WHATEVER THE HELL WAS GOING ON IN ZETSU'S ROOM LAST FRIDAY, I DONT WANNA KNOW, DAMMIT! WHAT THE /HELL/ IS GOING ON HERE?!"

"Fuuma Pein, calm down or I will give you the worst papercut you have EVER had in your life." I snapped, and Pein stopped pacing, looking around at me with surprise in his eyes. "You're overreacting. Knock it off, I'm sick of it."

"But... but..." Pein tried to say, but I cut him off again.

"Shut. Up."

Pein sighed, and slumped down against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor. "Konan, this is ridiculous..." He groaned, "I don't get it."

"Are you just jealous that they're getting laid and you're not?" I teased, grinning at Pein. The orange-haired man winced, and folded his arms.

"Is it wrong of me...?" He asked quietly, looking up at me from his spot on the floor. I felt my eyes go wide, and my jaw drop slightly. So he really WAS jealous?

"..no." I said after a minute. "No, it's not, Pein." The redhead sighed, and frowned at the floor. "It's perfectly normal, actually. It's only natural that there's to be some tension around here, what with me being the only female and everyone else is either male, bishie, or a mutant..."

Pein laughed at this, and stood up again to cross the room. "Yea... I guess the only reason they're turning to each /other/..." He rested his hands on the arms of my chair, leaning above me with a smirk on his face. "...is that they know that you're mine."

He kissed my forhead once, and I smiled slightly, looking over his shoulder. Slowly, I lifted my chin to look at him, grin growing. "So what you're saying is... it's all your own fault?"

"...That's one way to put it."